a cluster of subjects.

I'm going to just go a head and apologize a head of time if none of this makes ANY sense. I've had so much on my mind lately but when I come to write about it, it's like a draw a blank. I'm sure I'll probably jump topics a lot, so I'm sorry. 

Let me just start with this...I'm SO sick of this stupid BCT thing. I hate that I have to spend so much time away from someone who I just married.  I know that God called him to do this, and I commend him for listening to him, but sometimes I just want to scream. I hate not being able to share what the day brought for me with him. I mean I do share it with him, in letters, but i still don't have a stinking address for him, so by the time he gets the letter, it won't really matter much anymore.  I hate that he's missing out on things that Corbin is doing. I want him here to help me raise him...Not that Corbin's biological father is absent, he just doesn't have rules at his fathers house, and we do. I know he's only been gone 2 weeks, but this i just really aggravating...I'm sure I'll learn how to deal with it. 

Another rant I have is now on top of not being able to talk to my husband is now I'll have to take Corbin's father to court over something that should be SO easy. We're trying to figure out what's best for Corbin when it comes to visitation when we leave. We can completely agree on his age now...it's when we get to about age 5 is where we can't agree on anything. He wants to keep him for school, and me spend holidays, and summer/winter/spring breaks with him. But he has no reasons why he would be better fit for him. I want him during school because I'll have the luxury of being a stay at home mom, so I can take Corbin to school, pick him up, or just even be at home when he gets off the school bus. I'll be there to help with homework, and even cook him a real dinner. Bobby's schedule is SO crazy that some days he works 8-5 one day and then 1-10 the next day. Which works out good for him right now because that means he'll get to keep Corbin from 5pm to 12pm the next day. But what does that mean for Corbin when he starts school? I know what that means. He'll have to have someone take corbin to school and pick him up when he works 8-5 (Because he lives in the city, there are no buss' to pick kids up and take them to school. They either walk to the closest school and shuttle to their school, or their parents drop them off). Then when he comes home, he'll be so "drained" from work that he'll barely have time to help him with his homework, and then for dinner, a frozen pizza. I was with him for 3 years, let me tell you, he rarely cooks anything that's not frozen. And when he works from 1-10, that means that he'll not be able to see Corbin until the next morning...providing that he doesn't have to be at work at 7am. How is that best for Corbin? Someone else will be raising my baby...it won't even be his father.  I know that he feels it's unfair for me to keep him all that time,  but I honestly think it's in Corbin's best interest if I have him for school...am I crazy? Does it make sense to anyone else? 

On to happier topics:

I've been given the OK to get off my birth control, so Stephen and I can try for a baby :) The more I think about it, the more excited, and nervous I get. I just want it t be the right time...I have a few months to pray about it. 

I am FINALLY down to 1 job...and it's NEVER felt soo good to have just one job! I'm feeling a lot less stressed out about everything, and that also means that  I can spend more time with Corbin! Another good thing that has to do with Corbie are his most recent dr. appts. His follow up with the ear, nose and throat  doctor went well. His tubes are still in there, and I think their shocked about that, since ha had his surgery Sept 2010. But we go back in June to see if they're still there. And we finally got Corbin well enough to schedule his 2 yr well visit. He's growing well, and he's almost 30 lbs now! haha The only thing he's concerned about is his speech development. He says a lot of words, but not many sentences. We're assuming it's because he didn't talk before he had tubes.I got him some neat workbooks yesterday, and he's already picked up the word circle and triangle. So I hope things keep going this way...


Thanks for listening to me rant...Sorry if I seem like a debbie downer right now...Those of you who know me, know I'm not typically like this.